The first time I ever considered perimenopause was in an acupuncture session. I think I was there because I was having trouble sleeping and was experiencing migraines.  The acupuncturist mentioned that I was likely getting close to menopause and I quickly dismissed his insult. At the time I thought: That’s ridiculous. (He also said I should consider eating meat again as it may soothe my constitution…I changed my mind about his Women’s Health opinion and was secretly thrilled at the suggestion of a hamburger.)

Cut to two years later, my mother was very ill and my daughter was 4. I was being pulled in every direction and felt like I was losing my mind. My heart was breaking for what I knew would be the imminent loss of my mother and in pretty much every area of my life, the wheels were coming off. It was entirely unmanageable. Every day, there was a new crisis and every night, there I was again, wide awake and full of terror and rage.

You know how sometimes life is just outrageously wrong? 

It’s cruel and stormy and unrelenting?

There was such a collision of family, cancer, loss, seismic hormone shift and motherhood all in a cacophony of wild treble screeching, it was like my life was one big primal scream. It seemed there was no relief in sight.

During this time I’d dream about running away. Alone, on a beach, not a single soul to take care of, no job, no family. “What happened to Jessie, have you seen her?” and I’d just be free, winding my way into a new life, unburdened by reality.

Hives, insomnia, rage, panic, grief, headaches, digestive stuff, uterus stuff…it was a horrible mix. Total overwhelm.

In the midst of all the chaos, my body was still sending messages like epic insomnia and migraines.  I thought the stress of everything falling apart was affecting my cycle which would appear and disappear at odd intervals. Now I think it was the other way around: my wobbly, perimenopausal cycling was creating much of the off-the-rails stress. 

I turned to the only place I could, my own yoga practice. I couldn’t get to public classes (the thought of L.A. traffic or the social moments in studio full of people was the last thing I could manage) so I would get on my mat at home. Sometimes fueled by anger and frustration, sometimes the sadness was so thick it felt like I was barely able to feel breath moving through my body. I practiced anyway. 

Years prior, yoga helped pull me out of a very dark, heavy depression. (Along with anti-depressants, gratefully.) Now coping with this new jumble of life was challenging me in ways that felt impossible.  

I leaned into strength on my mat. Some days I pushed through hard work when I wanted to give up and other days, I let myself rest and be slow. 

There was a soothing that happened… even just for a few moments after I’d practice, that felt quiet, spacious. It was like remembering who I was. Like underneath, I was still me and could connect to some semblance of peace.

The storm eventually passed. Time did its thing…

The passage of time also brought this new public awareness (and quelled the shame so many of us women still hold) about perimenopause and menopause. It was on the news! We’re talking about it. Sharing. Feeling less alone.

Less shame and confusion. More help. 

We have options now. There are ways to feel better, even in this roller coaster season of life. We can navigate back to ourselves by using all the available resources.

I can help you with the yoga part.

As for the rest of my story, I use yoga as part of my menopause arsenal (man, maybe there’s a better word but somehow that makes sense!) along with hormones and naps and hamburgers. 

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A space to find your own footing... If you are navigating your own midlife shifts—whether you are in your 40s, 60s, or anywhere in between—you don’t have to do it alone. I created Centered: Yoga for Women Over 40 to be a virtual sanctuary for this exact season of life. It’s a 7-week series focused on strength, balance and deep restoration.

Registration opens on June 3rd, and we begin June 24th.